


There Were No More Lovers Left Alive, and That’s Why Love Had Died

by wolfie_slays



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff and Angst, HIV/AIDS, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 14:57:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16578701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfie_slays/pseuds/wolfie_slays
Summary: Based off my headcanon that Tony was experimenting with other guys in the midst of the HIV/AIDS epidemic of the 80s/90s, title from Pet Shop Boys, 'Dreaming of the Queen'





	There Were No More Lovers Left Alive, and That’s Why Love Had Died

“Tony seriously, I need you in me.” Peter panted, head thrown back against the pillows, rutting against the hard planes of Tony’s abs. “Need your cock in me right _now_.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Tony gasped, reaching across to the bedside table to grab the box of condoms. “So good for me, shit, such a good boy.”

“Wait, Tony, wait.” Peter breathed, sitting up to grab Tony’s arm. “Can we- can you take me bare?”

“What?”

“I want to feel you, Tones.” Peter pleaded breathessly. “Want to feel you without a condom.”

There was a beat of silence, where Tony froze and closed his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath, and Peter briefly considered flinging himself out of a window because _we were about to have awesome sex and now my boyfriend’s having a panic attack, yay_.

“I can’t have you bare, Peter.” Tony said finally, voice heavy. “I can’t.”

“I’m clean, babe, I have a test to prove it, and I know that you-”

“I’m HIV positive, Peter.”

Peter’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, and he felt himself tense. He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly realised he had nothing to say in the face of Tony’s admission. 

“Wow, okay, I guess we’re having this conversation now.” Tony chuckled blandly, leaning over to pick up his boxers off the floor and slide them on. “I feel like I need a semblance of decency for this.”

“You’re- you’ve got HIV?”

“Yep.”

“Are- are you going to die?” Peter asked slowly, directly, licking his lips in nervousness. “I mean yeah, obviously, but do you have a shorter lifespan? Because if you do I-”

“I’ve got a totally normal lifespan, honey.” Tony said, carefully laying a reassuring hand on Peter’s ankle. “The meds have all sorts of unpleasant side effects, aches and pains, my kidneys are pretty much fucked, they exacerbate my anxiety like hell, not the most fun thing ever, but hey, what can you do when you’re-”

“Are you okay, Tony?” interrupted Peter softly, conscious of the way Tony’s eyes were welling with tears. “C’mere.”

Peter lay back and opened his arms, letting Tony fall into his embrace, burying his head into the younger boy’s chest. They both pretended not to feel the wetness on Tony’s face and the deep, shuddering sobs that wracked through him, as Peter carded his hands through his boyfriend’s hair, whispering words of comfort as he held the older man.

“I was so young.” Tony whispered eventually, voice muffled by Peter’s chest. “We all were, we had no idea what we were doing. It was the first time we all sort of realised that we could be openly queer without getting arrested or some shit, and-”

Tony’s voice broke off with a sob, hands gripping desperately at Peter’s arms as the boy tried to comfort him, wrapping protective arms around his chest. 

“And none of you realised that you should be using protection.” Peter finished softly. “Oh, Tones.”

“I was experimenting with all these guys in the _height_ of the AIDS epidemic in the eighties and nineties.” Tony mumbled. “We knew about it, of course, we called it the anally injected death sentence, morbid humour solves everything, but we didn’t know how it was spread, how to stop it, what to _do._ ”

“How did you find out?” Peter asked, biting his lip. “How did you find out in time?”

“I got hit by a bout of pneumonia when I was about twenty-seven, and it nearly killed me.” Tony admitted. “I had some of the best doctors in the world working on me, and one of them suggested I probably had HIV. They got me on cutting edge medication that no one else had access to, and boom, here I am. It never developed into AIDS.”

“But no one else had access to the drugs.” Peter said, his voice rough with realisation. “Everyone else-”

“Everyone else dropped like flies.” Tony choked out. “The community that’d given me a family when my own weren’t there, the people who’d loved me, who hadn’t done anything _fucking wrong_ -”

“Stop it, Tony, stop.” Peter said firmly, though this own voice was cracking. “That’s _not your fault_.”

“I know.” Tony mumbled. “But it hurts, it hurts more than anything I’ve ever done.”

“I didn’t even think, Tones.” Peter said softly, still petting his fingers through Tony’s hair. “Have you talked to someone?”

“Twice a week for twenty years, darling.” Tony laughed humourlessly. “I’m coping, Peter, don’t worry about me. It just hurts to think about.”

“Then we don’t have to think about it.” said Peter firmly. “ _You_ don’t have to think about it.”

“I can never take you bare, Peter.” Tony sighed. “I can never cum in you, or let you blow me without a condom, or-”

“I don’t need that, Tones.” Peter assured earnestly. “The sex is great, yeah, but I love _us_. You could tell me we could never have sex again, and I wouldn’t care as long as I still get to _be_ with you.”

“Wow.” Tony said evenly. “Yeah, okay. Wow.”

“Has nobody ever said that to you before?”

“I’ve never had this conversation with anyone before.”

“Pepper?”

“She never wanted kids, so it never really came up.”

“Right, okay.” Peter breathed. “So does this mean we’re like, actually, really serious?”

“Did you miss the part where we bought a house and moved into it together?” Tony chuckled, lifting his head to press a kiss to the corner of Peter’s mouth. “Or the part where I constantly confess my undying love for you?”

“I guess.” Peter giggled. “I, uh, well I guess now is a simultaneously appropriate and inappropriate time to ask this question.”

“I’ve never been known for being particularly appropriate.” Tony chuckled. “Ask away baby bear.”

“Will you- will you marry me?”

Tony’s eyes widened minutely, before his lips were crashing to his boyfrie- his _fiancé’s_ , breathlessly murmuring ‘ _yes, yes, yes’_ into the boy’s parted mouth. 


End file.
